There are several aspects of my paper I would like assistance with.

-  I need assistance with the flow and transitions of my paper.

-  I need help deciding how to cite my paper.

-  Sentences make sense to the reader.
(Sometimes they make sense to me but not the person who is reading my paper.)

-  I need to check my grammar, punctuation, and sentence structures. (Overall mechanics)

-  Making sure my ideas are coming across strong, and my points of what am I are clear.

What am I?  The answer seems to flow from my fingertips as I type… I am a daughter, a girlfriend, and a student.  A smile comes to my face only for a second as I realize, I have changed from who I used to be.  If you would ask me who I was two years or even last year I would have answered I am an athlete, a friend, and a Towanda Black Knight.  But now as I read through my blogs entries I see a change from who I once was.  I am no longer active in sports or a Towanda Black Knight.  My friends are spread across the country and I am starting to build trust with new people but can you really have true friends in just a few months.  So, what am I now?  I am someone who understands who the people who matter most in life are.  I am someone who looks on memories and can smile.  I am a growing young woman, just looking to the future.  This is who I have become… This is who I am today.            I know that I am lucky to have a family that cares so much about me.  My parents have devoted their entire lives to making sure I am happy, and giving me the opportunity to be successful in life.  Even at an early aged they pushed and supported me through my outrageous dream of one day becoming an Olympic gymnast.  I first wrote about this after our taste test when I first bit into the tiny Trix candy bar and was brought back to my childhood.  Gymnastics was my life.  I wrote of how time consuming it was in my blog entry on September 13^th “During the school year every-night after school and my parents would drive me the hour and a half to make my 5pm-9:30pm practice for 12 straight years.”  What I did not mention was that my parents were both teachers and this meant that they would leave right after school, and take me to practice an hour and a half away sit in the car for four and a half hours, correcting papers and making their lesson plans in the car, and then drive me all the way back home.  They spent money on gas, gym fees, meals every single night, and hotels when I had meets. Over the course of one year, I along with whatever parent took me, spent 43,200 minutes in the car.  I stare at that number and it seems amazing for me, I spent more time in cars then I did at my own house.  Those thousands of minutes were not always happy and delightful either.  More often than not I treated my parents terribly maybe it was because I was so exhausted from my demanding life but, I remember so many tears and fights on the way home.  Looking back I don’t know how they did it.  Putting up with all they did, from the drives to the money.  To this day I have never thanked my parents for all they have did for me through these “gymnastics days” as my mom calls them.  I have never expressed any gratitude what so ever for all they did for me.  That’s why it surprised me to read my own words from my blog entry, “I was never closer to my parents then I was at this time in my life, and they sacrificed so much time and money for me… I am so grateful.”  I had typed the words that I had kept within myself for so long.  I read them even now over and over.  I have never looked at what they did for me as parenting support.  Back then I viewed it as overbearing parenting, I felt like they were forcing me into being a gymnast.  I was so wrong and I see that now.               Towanda’s Homecoming game is the biggest event of the year, girls’ dream of being on court the first time they witness the girls stroll across the field in their gowns, under the bright lights of the football field.  It is such an honor and my parents have always understood how badly I wanted to be voted on my junior year.  I wrote about my homecoming experience on September 4^th on my blog, “This was the biggest day in the whole year in Towanda, Pa.  The scoreboard showed that we were crushing our opponents.   This brought a smile to my face.  My brother held on to my arm as we approached the field, a shiver ran up and down my spine.  I couldn’t help but notice thousands of eyes were on us.”  I was so excited to hear that my brother was again escorting, this time his girlfriend, at homecoming.  But, I was disappointed that I wouldn’t be there.  To watch them as they crossed the field.  Two days before homecoming my dad called me and said he would take a day off from work and come and get me and take me to the game.  I was so happy.  My dad was sacrificing once again to make me happy I was so grateful.  I went to the game and watched as the five girls crossed the field at the brand new stadium, and once again we were crushing our opponents.  My brother and his girlfriend looked so good together, and although she didn’t win I was still so happy for her.  As I hugged her congratulations, I remembered the feeling after we exited the field and the moment I shared with my mother.  “I looked up to the sky and spotted snowflakes beginning to fall down.  I could feel my mom’s tears on my shoulder as she embraced me with a hug.  It was the perfect moment and I’ll never forget it as long as I lived.”  My parents have always been there for me at the major moments in my life, I know they are proud of me no matter what happens.            Another person who supports, and cares for me a great deal is my boyfriend Nick.  I have written about him in two of my essays and as I read them I realize I don’t really do him justice.  I never truly describe how kind he is to me or how much I truly love him.  I don’t give him the credit he deserves at all.  Nick is there for me and supports me through everything, he lives six hours away from Indiana Pa in Queens, New York and yet he still drives here to be with me in a moment’s notice.  I think about us all the time and our memories we have made already together. I think about how I felt when he moved back to Queens after high school, All that was left was his lingering scent on my clothes that I knew would, fade with time.  His scent brought back so many memories.  I could almost picture us at prom, sitting at basketball games together, watching movies at his house, and riding around in his Jeep.”  I felt like he was leaving me forever.  But, I was so wrong about him. Nick has turned out to be one of the most caring people in my life.  He supports me through everything, and even though we are so far apart our relationship and our love seems to be growing stronger every day.   The light in his hazel eyes when he looks at me
Those three words that I miss so much
The Burberry cologne he always wears
The chocolate he gave me on Valentine’s Day
So alone now that he is gone
I wonder if he misses me too On September 6, 2007 I wrote a poem about Nick.  It was about missing him and little things that remind me of him.  I love the way he looks at me, and when he says he loves me.  The way he says it has so much feeling I know it’s real.  His cologne, drives me crazy, it smells so good.  He was the first boyfriend that ever gave me chocolate on Valentine’s Day.  He knew that I would want food more than jewelry or anything else.  I feel so alone when he isn’t around, and I worry that he’ll stop missing me.  Nick understands me and he loves me.  I would be so lost if I ever lost him, but I have never realized or told him how I really feel.            My family has given me so much love and support throughout my life.  They supported me through my entire childhood, even when I was a brat gymnast.  They supported me through high school, when I played three sports, and joined every club I could be in.  They support me now when I am a student at IUP, trying to build a foundation for my future.  They still try to make me the happiest girl I can be.  My parents have helped make me who I am.  During my whole life I have pushed them away, and never given them credit or thanks for all they have done for me.  I also, have never have given credit to Nick.  He has been my best friend for a long time and I have fallen in love with him.  I don’t tell him how I feel, and treat him terrible sometimes.  Even though, he would give me his life if he could.  It is not until now that I realize how these people are the only people who truly matter. They will be the only definite people in my life in years to come.  I am a daughter and a girlfriend, but I have grown into something more.  I am someone who understands who the most important people in my life are. The people who love me and that I love.            Memories are an important part of who I am today.  I am filled with memories that only I know and see my way.  They are a way for me to remember all of my experiences and moments that mean the most to me.  I am blessed, to have a life where I have happy memories.  I can look back at certain moments in my life and be proud of who they made me and who I have become.  I am lucky, I can smile at my life, and sadly not everyone can say that.                 “All of my friends lined up beside me, together we made up the 2006 Homecoming Court, the entire town was there to see us, and it was the most amazing feeling of my life.  It tops the two state championship games I’ve played in by far and I was equally as nervous.”  Again, Homecoming is one of those memories I won’t forget, and along with it is the nervous feelings I felt as I crossed the field.  In high school homecoming court meant you are one of the most popular girls in school.  But now when I look back at my images of that day I see something deeper.    “As we crossed the field I clutched to my brothers arm, the lights illuminated the field, it was so beautiful,” I realize that this moment was not beautiful because of the way the field looked what made this moment beautiful is that my brother was my escort.  He and I have grown closer since this day.  That’s what made this memory so beautiful.            Whenever I eat chicken wings with blue cheese I am reminded of all of my friends.  “My friends go out to the best bar in town, PJ’s, for wing’s at least twice a week.  At any parties or if we are just watching a game on TV, there are always PJ’s wings.  Just thinking of them is enough to make my mouth water and stomach growl.”  If I would go out to eat with my girlfriends we would go to PJ’s, or even if my mom’s family got together we would order seven dozen or so wings.  It sparks a happy memory of people I enjoy, eating good food, and good conversation.Concluding Paragraph

What am I?  As I read my paper I understand that there is so much more to me then who I am.  It isn’t who you are it’s what you are.  It won’t matter to me that I was a daughter, it will matter that I loved my parents and respected them as the people who were always willing to give everything they had for me.  I am a girl who understands who the most important people in my life are. I have changed into the young woman I am today.  I have lived a happy life, and I am filled with memories.  I am maturing and growing older.  So what am I five years from now?  Will I be a wife or a mother? Could I be a successful business woman or something unexpected?  Only time will tell. The final definition of what I am will never truly be defined.

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To expand my paper I will continue to write on the topics of what I am today.  I will continue on with my memories that I have learned more about myself.  Then go on to how I have grown since I came to collage and matured.  All of my paragraphs need more work at this time, and I will revise my first five pages twice before I continue on.  Then I will write the rest.

I really don’t need any outside sources, to argue about myself.  But, my paragraphs could be written much better, and I think I’ll start by making stronger transition sentences.  I understand my paper so far is extremely rough, but I am revising it.  By the end I hope my paper has little flaws, and really describes what is I to the reader.

What is I? I am made up of the 5 senses.  I feel, I hear, I see, and I taste.  I am made up from my past my present and my future.  I am a lover, a daughter, and a friend.  these  are all things that make I me.  From my childhood my parents made me into an athlete by pushing me into sports and putting more emphasis on my sports then in school.  My present I now need to be more focussed on school and i dont have sports and now I dont know what to do?  I am confused and I am scared of failing, but not by loosing a game but now by ruining my future because Ive never had to learn.  As an athlete my teachers carried me through school.

1.  I have learned through my sense of sight that people see things and automatically jump to conclusions about that thing.  Things are always not what they appear and from this class I learned not to do that.  People in this class are not what they appear.  I am not what I appear.  People should remember that.  You can not look at someone and see their story.

2.  My sense of smell says a lot about me.  I can smell exact smells form memory, or a smell triggers a memory.  During our taste test, I tasted a trix.  But I smelled that trix before I tasted it and it brought me back to when I was in gymnastics and the 3 hours I spent in a car everyday for nearly 12 years of my life.

3.  My least favorite taste is morning breathe (DISGUSTING) I even did research on it for my taste paper and found out it is all about bacteria and left over food how gross!  My favorite taste is the taste of my moms cooking.  I miss the food she cooks, and I know she cooks for us out of love.

4.  Being touched for me, means you crossed someones mined for a second.  Even if you dropped a dollar out of your pocket and someone runs you down and taps you on your shoulder to return it then you crossed their mind for a second.  Touch is a sense that shows many emotions.  You show someone you care or love them, hate them by a slap or punch.  You feel through the sense of touch, and these feelings go alot deeper than just touching. 

5.  Right now I hear everyone typing frantically, writing their very own thoughts and feelings about the questions Marlen is asking us.  They all are doing the same thing, typing and listening and thinking about what I may be doing or maybe about what I may be writing.  In this moment no one is thinking about whats for dinner, they are only listening and focusing on all of us.  In a way this is bringing us closer together without anyone relizing it.  We are lost in our own little worlds.

6.  Im suprised at how open I have become in this class.  Normally I would make sure to not even touch upon certain things in my life.  I don’t even tell my closest friends or family about how I feel about things.  I am a very enclosed person and I am happy Ive had the oppurtunity to be in this class and let others read my writing for a change.  Like anyone I have my secrets and although I didn’t openly tell them… in my writing I mentioned my biggest secret a few times.  It made me feel better, no one likes to keep secrets for years.

7.  Im sure there will be blogging one year from now.  I know I will be blogging.  I want to make my own blog page and keep it like an online journal.  I don’t trust people like I should or open up alot and I think blogs would be a great outlet for me.  I hope blogs are continued to be used in this class and maybe even used in other classes.  I also hope that people who don’t know about blogs like I didn’t when I entered this class learn about them and use them.

8.  If I was forced to lose a sense I would want to lose the sense of sight.  Sight is an important sense and I understand that but, I think if I lost my eyesight I would understand life a lot better and be a better person over all.  I wouldn’t jump to conclusions and all my other senses wouyld be put to more use.  I could write deeper and maybe more touching things.

9.  I am a girl who wants to be understood.  I want to find someone that I can trust.

I long for the sound of the ocean at night
Miss the laughter of my family on holidays
Dread the sound of the life takers voice
Can hear so plainly the pain behind my mother’s scream
I long for the sound of my grandpa’s heartbeat
Miss the music from the good old days
Dread the sound of the crying baby
Can hear so plainly the pain behind my father’s tears

APA

Ackerman, Diane (1990). A Natural History of the Senses. New York, New York: Vintage Books.

in text:

(Ackerman, 1990)

It was a statue of a man, I knew it was a man because there were no boobs.  I think the man was somewhat important because he had buttons on his jacket and a hat.  At first I thought he maybe a conductor of some sort, because his hat was not big enough to be anything like a soldier.  He had long legs and his clothes seemed to be fancy because he had a jacket on.  There was writting on the base of the stand but it was too small to make out.

It was soft and silky.  Like a tiny bag, I could feel the straps so I knew that it was some sort of plush bag with a draw string.  I liked the way it felt and i imagined it was silver, probably because I have a tiny bag like that, that was silver.

My mom and females use the sense of touch in different ways.

Men touch women a lot more then women touch men.

Why does my dad use the sense of touch a lot more then my mom does?

when asked to do this and right a thesis statement i didnt really understand what i was writting or why it came to mind then as i wrote my mind map i realized how i wanted to know why my father shows more affection physically then my mom beacuae i am more like my fatehr i show physical affection and my borther is more like my moma nd quiet and reserved and i cant sksk oops didnt mean to do that marlen was watching me and i panicked i will go back to what i was saying in my mind map[ there is a lot of things i never though about before lke how my mom does not pet the fog she onlt that should say dog and she only gives him food and gifts and theings tharts how she shows her affection while my dad is constently walking and petting and grooming the dog and my brother doesnt pay attentuion to him either. im more like my dad when it comes to affection my dad gives us pounds before games and my mom on,ly tells us goodluck or maybe brings us a water or something so we know that she is concerned or routing for us   my dad has more evidence of affection physicall7y abd   sj  also i nam running 0out of things to say and losing my train of thought there are two more minutes left and i realize i made alot of speklling mistakes since im now used to this keyboard i wish i had my laptop so this wouldnt look like a 4 year old typed it   back to my parents i think my mom is more reserved then my add dad and that should just say dad not add dad and my dad is more open like me i dopnt know if thats good or bad but id like to  look into it

1. Why does my father show more affection through touch towards me then my mother does?
A. We are more alike in a lot of ways.
B. My parents are very much opposites in many ways.
C. Afffection in my parents lives growing up.
2. The difference in the sense of touch through genders. (Gender&Cultural differences)
A. Men touch women more then women touch men.
B. Men feel dominate to women so they touch more.
C. My father is older then my mother and in studies men over 30 touched women more then those younger.

             What is the power of a hug?  I was surprised to find that it is very powerful.  In fact the power behind the sense of touch is much greater than I ever imagined.  I remember snuggling up next to my mother when I was little and feeling so safe and loved.  There is much more to that feeling than meets the eye, or should I say the sense of touch.

            Touch triggers the release of brain endorphins, which is a feeling more powerful than heroin or morphine.  Who would have thought that?  But, isn’t it more than just a release of chemicals in the brain?  Everyone has a need to be touched and touch, isn’t that need something greater. It gives us confidence and comfort. (Rayel)  

          After we lost the Big League Softball State Championship game this summer, my friends met me with hugs after the game.  Somehow their touch made me feel better, even though we lost people still cared and loved me.  All my concerns and disappointments seemed to disappear for a moment.  Just their hugs gave me a sense of comfort that even the words of my coaches couldn’t compare to. 

            So what is the power of a hug?  It is so powerful it is a cure.  It cures us of our fears and worries, and comforts us when nothing else can.  The sense of touch is very powerful, as it has been proven scientifically.  But, it is also proven everyday as friends and family come together in times of trial and use their sense of touch to show they are there for one another.

 Sources

Jenna’s hair product brings me to a hair salon.  With all the scents and smells blending together, from the products, to the burning curling irons, and dyes.  I could almost picture the ladies and men talking to their clients and shampooing and cutting their hair.

I remember how my mom used to drive an entire hour to have her hair cut by a certain lady in her salon in Southern Tier New York.  I would sit and watch as the ladies washed and shampooed her her.  Cutting, and styling it for her.  I could smell the hair dyes and products.  Jenna’s shampoo brought me back to those days.